How to Talk to Someone with Dementia.

1. Don’t try to jog their memory: ‘Remember when…?’

While it can be tempting to try and jog the memory of somebody living with dementia, this kind of question can feel like a test, highlighting their memory problems. This can be a frustrating and painful—and unlikely to help them recall or hold on to memories.

Try this instead:

Instead of posing a question, try leading with ‘I remember when…’. That way, the person can search their memory calmly without feeling embarrassed. It can be pleasant and comforting to talk about the past by leading the conversation and allowing the person to join in.

 

2. Don’t correct every mistaken belief: ‘Nobody is stealing from you!’

When a person says something which you know is not true, your first impulse may be to correct their belief. This can be distressing for the person, as they are likely to be as convinced in their belief as you are in yours.

As dementia progresses, the person will find it hard to accept logic and so it may not be possible to convince them that their belief is incorrect. This can lead to confusion, bad feeling or arguments.

Try this instead:

Think about whether it is necessary to correct the belief at all. If it is not causing harm or anxiety, then you may not need to. If the belief is causing the person distress, comfort them and remind them they are safe. Try to keep your tone, body language and facial expressions calm and reassuring.

Gently encourage the person to shift their focus onto something they enjoy – even something as simple as a subject they like to talk about or putting on a favourite television show. These distraction techniques can be very effective

 

3. Don’t let your emotions take over: ‘I just told you that.’

It can be difficult answering the same question over and over. However, reminding the person that you have just answered their question will not help them retain the information for next time, it is likely to just remind them of their condition. This can be

distressing for you both. Bear in mind, that for them, it is likely to feel like the first time they have asked the question.

Try this instead:

Try to remember that the person cannot help repeating themselves. It is important for them to feel heard and understood. Answer their questions calmly and patiently, with an even tone of voice. If you feel the need, take a break and remove yourself from the conversation for a while.

 

4. Don’t ask questions that rely on memory: ‘Do you recognize me?’ ‘What did you do today?’

It can be distressing when somebody with dementia doesn’t recognise you, especially if you have a close relationship. But remember that it is likely upsetting for them too. And while it might seem polite to ask somebody about their day, it’s better to focus on what’s happening in the present.

Try this instead:

The way you greet somebody with dementia might change from day to day. A warm hello could suffice, or it may help to say your name in a friendly, conversational way. Instead of asking them about their day, speak briefly about your day. They might then offer information about what they have done. Talk to them about the present and use items in the environment such as photos or ornaments to stimulate conversation.

 

5. Don’t talk down to the person: ‘How are we today?’

‘Elderspeak,’ which can involve talking in a high-pitched, singsong voice and generally speaking to the person like they are a child, can be patronising and demeaning for a person with dementia.

Try this instead:

Always remember the person behind the dementia. It’s fine if the person needs you to speak more slowly than usual, but try to use your normal tone of voice. This helps keep their dignity intact.

 

Find more information on communicating with someone living with dementia at:

nccdp.org/caregiver-tips-20-things-not-to-say-to-someone-with-dementia and huffpost.com/entry/5-things-to-never-say-to-a-person-with-alzheimers